Location: Somewhere in middle America
MA: What's wrong with this damn remote control Pa?
PA: What's that Ma?
MA: Damned TV ain't working no more.
PA: Drop something on the floor?
MA: I said the damned TV ain't working.
PA: Did you push the red button Ma?
MA: OF COURSE I PUSHED IT YOU OLD FOOL!
PA: Well then...
MA: It still ain't working
PA: What's that?
MA: I said it's... broken! It ain't working...
PA: Prolly just needs batteries.
MA: Well didn't you just put in some new batteries last year?
MA: BATTERIES? DIDN'T YOU JUST PUT IN SOME NEW BATTERIES SAME TIME YOU BOUGHT YOUR HEARING AID BATTERIES!
PA: How's that?
MA: BATTERIES! Oh never mind... darn this is making me so mad... I'm missing the Price is Right!
PA: Pricey is right. Batteries ain't cheap.
(Big Button phone rings/red flashes)
PA: Phone is ringing
MA: Oh now what... um hello?
SONNY: Hey Ma.
PA: Who is it..?
MA: (to Pa) It's Sonny Boy... (into phone) Sonny can you come over here and take a look at our TV. Our remote quit working and there is no TV.
SONNY: No Ma it's the digital transition.
MA: Digital what?
SONNY: Transition... that's why I called... your TV is too old... it won't work.
MA: No, our set is perfectly fine. We paid a lot of money for this TV 15 years ago. It's a Zenith! We just need some batteries.
SONNY: No, it's not batteries... your TV is okay, it just won't work anymore without...
MA: ... of course it'll work! We just need some new batteries for the remote.
SONNY: No, Ma you just need a converter.
MA: A what?
PA: What's he saying?
MA: Says our TV is no good and I need to convert...
PA: The hell it ain't! Tell that boy I paid good money for that TV 20 years ago. It's a Magnavox! And it ain't got nothing to do with religion neither.
SONNY: I'll explain more to you later when I fly up on Friday... You'll need some coupons.
MA: Coupons? What for? I have plenty of those already.
SONNY: No, these are special coupons
MA: (to Pa) Sonny says we need special coupons.
PA: Grey Poupon? Already got that for my sandwiches.
SONNY: It's kinda hard to explain... I know it sounds confusing... it's the Government... they are permanently changing the system and taking...
MA: Sonny Boy... What the hell does the government got to do with me watching my favorite TV game show?
SONNY: (sighs) No, they say it's going to make things better...
MA: ... better for who?
PA: What's he saying?
MA: (to Pa) SONNY BOY SAYS THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T WANT ME TO WATCH MY FAVORITE GAME SHOWS ANYMORE UNLESS I HAVE SOME SPECIAL COUPONS AND THAT'S WHY THE TV DOESN'T WORK
PA: Clara... you haven't been hitting the bottle again have you?
SONNY: Okay Ma... (sighs), see yuh on Friday.
(Click. Phone disconnects)
MA: (continues to talk into phone) Sonny Boy you can tell the government for me they can keep their damn coupons and just turn my TV back on right this damn minute! You hear me! I'll be sitting here waiting!
(Hangs up. Pa stares at Clara for a few moments)
PA: You swore you'd never touch another drop after what happened at Betty's Xmas party in 1959.
MA: OH WILL YOU SHUT UP!
PA: You don't need to shout.
MA: Oh what the hell am I going to do with myself now?
Millions of old people are going to be staring at TV snow on 02/18/2009 - Lawmakers seek to extend life of government-issued vouchers for converter boxes, as consumers find the devices hard to obtain.
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